My perspective - The gossip paradox
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- Published on Thursday, September 3, 2015
By Kate Jackman-Atkinson
The Neepawa Banner
This week, kids across the region are heading back to school. Some will be stepping into their school鈥檚 hallways for the first time, some will be returning to familiar territory. Most will worry about having friends and fitting in.
These days, their curriculum will include more than reading, writing and math. In schools across the country, kids are now also taught about the impact of bullying. They are urged to stand up for the victims.
Today, ever-present smart phones mean that kids carry mean comments in their hands and social media and the permanence of the internet mean that bullies follow kids home, right into their bedrooms, like never before. The anonymity of the computer screen makes it easier for people who wouldn鈥檛 consider themselves bullies to say hurtful things, from the comfort and safety of their own home.
We may bemoan the cruelty of today鈥檚 kids, but as adults, we aren鈥檛 much better.
All it takes is one look at the magazines lining the checkout at any grocery store. 鈥淲ho鈥檚 gained weight鈥�, 鈥淲ho鈥檚 too thin鈥�, 鈥淲ho wore it best鈥�, 鈥淲ho embarrassed themselves鈥�, 鈥淲ho鈥檚 cheating on who鈥�, the headlines scream. And we want to know. Because gossip puts us on the inside, part of a select group who know a secret, regardless of how secret it actually is.
In our work places, our social groups and within our communities, it鈥檚 easy to get sucked in鈥� into gossiping, into judging. It鈥檚 hard not to build yourself up by tearing others down, to feel better about yourself by making someone else look worse. As we navigate through society, it鈥檚 hard to avoid these pitfalls.
Growing up, my dad had a standard response when I tried to share gossip, 鈥淭hey always spoke highly of you.鈥� As a teen, it drove me crazy; that wasn鈥檛 the reaction I was looking for. Whether it was true or not, it put the brakes on trivial gossip. It reminded me to think about the other person and how they might see me. How would I feel if they knew what I had said? It鈥檚 a reminder that the target of our gossip is a person and that our words are a reflection of ourselves.
I don鈥檛 see 鈥淭hey always spoke highly of you鈥� as a version of 鈥淚f you don鈥檛 have anything nice to say, don鈥檛 say anything at all鈥�. I think of it as a reminder to think before you speak. But that sometimes, you have to speak.
Events of the past year have highlighted the need to speak up when we know or see bad things going on. Whether it was Bill Cosby or Jian Ghomeshi, there were a lot of people who kept silent or whispered warnings, which did little to constructively stop predators or protect victims. Instead of whispering our warnings, we need to tell them in such a way that change happens. Why are we so keen to gossip but not to speak out against those who are doing wrong?
In an era when we are encouraging our youth to step up, show kindness and defend those who are weaker, we need to be setting an example. We need to remember that our words have an impact. Hopefully, they will have a positive impact. Do you want to be someone about whom other speak highly?
